Tag Archives: Firearms

This. Is. Insanity.

quarter gunI don’t care how you feel about firearms, it should concern you that the people charged with educating children are too stupid to be able to differentiate between a weapon and a keychain.

Yet another student has landed in trouble for having something that represents a gun, but isn’t actually anything like a real gun.

This time the student is 12-year-old Joseph Lyssikatos, a student in advanced math who had perfect attendance last year. The seventh-grader made the mistake of bringing a ridiculously small, silver keychain shaped like a gun to Alan Shawn Feinstein Middle School in Coventry, R.I, reports local NBC affiliate WJAR.

The two-inch keychain fell out of Lyssikatos’s backpack while he was at school.

After another kid picked it up and displayed it to other students, a teacher intervened and impounded the keychain.

And it’s even worse than that.

The Feinstein Middle School handbook entitled “Serious Disciplinary Infractions” declares: “Possession/carrying/use of/threat of use of a firearm or replica shall result in a recommendation for expulsion for a period of time up to one full calendar year.”

I wonder. Do the school officials who handed down the suspension believe that the keychain is an actual firearm or a replica of a firearm? It’s hard to tell which it is from the photo.

Just kidding.

Not only are these school officials too stupid to differentiate between a real threat and, shall we say, no cause for concern whatsoever, they can’t even correctly interpret the language used in their own policies. In my dictionary, and I’m guessing in every other dictionary in America, “replica” is defined as “any close or exact copy or reproduction.”

I admit to not keeping current with all the latest trends in firearms, but I’m fairly certain no one is making any that are barely larger than a quarter. I wonder what kind of ammo that would use, anyway. Seed beads?

Do I believe middle school students should be allowed to bring weapons to school? Of course not. Do I believe they should be allowed to bring toys that no rational person with an IQ over 17 would mistake for a firearm? Why, yes. Yes, I do. So shoot me with a keychain.

Read more here.

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